I WONDER

I wonder what would happen
if I gave in to my fear.
I wonder what would happen
If I could turn back the years.
I wonder why I hate me
when I try so hard to live.
I wonder if I'll stay free
or ever learn to live.

I wonder if tomorrow
will be as hard as today.
I wonder if I'll find music
that I can learn to play.
I wonder if by dying
I'd finally be free.
I wonder if the past
will ever let me be.

I wonder if heaven
is all it's cracked up to be.
I wonder if I looked harder
would I learn to see?
I wonder if I learned to love
would this void be filled?
I wonder if this beast within
is too strong to be killed.

I wonder if you know me
as well as I know you.
I wonder if you'll help me,
when alone I can't make it through.
I wonder if I'd let you
guide me along the way.
Or is this life I live
just the hell I have to pay?

I wonder if anything means anything
or is it all just a game?
Is life just an illusion
made just to keep us sane?
I wonder if I will walk forever
alone among the crowd.
I wonder if I'm trapped here
behind my darkened shroud.

I wonder if you'll let me die
on the day that I chose.
I wonder if I'll always play
a game I'm doomed to lose.
I wonder if I will ever know
just what's on my mind.
I wonder if there's hope out there
among the dreams that I can't find.

I wonder why I write thses words
when they make no sense at all.
I wonder if I will ever learn
to answer destiny's faint call.
I wonder why you bother
wasting time on me.
I wonder if I'll let you
help to rebuild me.

I wonder if the sky is blue
somewhere beyond the grey.
I wonder if I'll ever have
more faith than I do today.
I wonder if by dying
I'd find what I'm looking for.
I wonder if Life's secrets
are locked behind Death's door.

I wonder if I can find the key
that will unlock my pain.
I wonder if I will ever find
shelter from the rain.
I wonder if my friends who have died
are waiting over there for me.
I wonder what I will find
waiting there for me.

I wonder if there's freedom
on the other side.
I wonder if I will ever learn
not to run and hide.
I wonder if what I'm feeling
has ever been felt before.
I wonder why I'm dreaming
dreams I've lost before.

I wonder if by dying
I'll finally be free.
I wonder if I'll ever know
just what I want to be.
I wonder if I die tonight
will they have sense enough not to cry.
If I chose to die tonight
would you just let me die...

© Barry Veinotte

Back To Poems